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    5/31/2009

    闲梦远

         端午回家。妈妈准备了满筐的粽子、满筐的咸鸭蛋、满筐的包子和蒜头。我只是笑着喝碗豆浆,然后跑出去吃腌粉。又有许多好吃的菜,照例炒了腰花给我补腰(有用么),在我强烈要求下炒了栀子花,还备了鸡汤。
         眼大肚子小啊,依然是眼大肚子小。妈妈说,你看你什么都只吃一点点,哪里像过节。
         我也仍是笑眯眯:回家不就是过节了么。

         一年的这个时候,妈妈总会买几束栀子花,茶杯清水养着,摆在各个房间里。夜里熄了灯总有幽香飘过来,我便迟迟地睡不着。白日看书时却嗅觉迟钝,所以总是看着书就睡过去。三天下来,带去的四卷本《战争与和平》只看完了前三卷,剩下一本又背将回来。
         是因为书么。极难入睡,却总做噩梦。具体的梦境也忘记,总是黑暗与死亡,总是错误与难挽回。看书的时候却不曾有这般强烈感受。
         我又梦见父亲。却也陌生而遥远。

         曾以为每日不停歇流过周遭的只是时间。忽然发现不是,至少不仅仅是。那些流逝了不再回头的,都是生命里最珍惜和最可宝贵的东西啊,我怎会如此漠然!

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